Thursday, February 05, 2009

I totally have an Ex that fits into this category

A choice letter from my favorite new website, Psychotic Letters from Men:

(This is to GET HER BACK! These are the words he uses??)

"Hello

You should reconsider not being with me, Im sure you can understand, that the longer this goes on, the less likely I am to believe that this is all a terrible nightmare that I will wake up from, in a cold sweat rubbing my tear streaked cheeks praying for the nightmare never ever to become a reality.

I am aware that, in cutting off our noses to spite our faces, we have said some horrible things to each other, and our egos have forced us to up the anti so to speak, and make the things we say even more horrible each step in order to provoke as much hurt on the other as possible.

This is something that we are both guilty of, and I am sure that you would agree. Let the records show that, while I’ve said some very nasty things, but it was nothing that’s not true. I did it to make you a better person.

You are making a big mistake not being with me, you will see. You will fall down the slippery trail of scumbag ex’s, I know being the slut you are….

I am sorry that I have been mean lately. I am sorry that I have let the pressures of running a small business in an ailing economy get to me so much that I take my despair out on you. I am sorry that I can't be the perfect wonderful every second is a dream boyfriend that you read about in story books.

I mean, it’s not like you are perfect. I mean, my friends give you a 5/ 10 and that’s because you’re with me. I mean, you aren’t going to get anyone better than me are you, you’re not exactly a size 2 anymore.

We both must take a step back, take a deep breath, take a good hard look at our actions, then think

What would the magical leopluriton do?

Why, he'd whisk you away into a magical dreamland and make everything better, of course.

And that is what, to the best of my ability, I intend to do.

Please, don’t throw us away, I know things can be perfect, if you just try not stuffing your face all the time, and I will be more accommodating of your rapid mood swings.

I suggest you think about it. Hard.

Paul"

Read them, and weep for humanity here.

1 comment:

Leigh said...

OMG, run, run, run as fast as you can girl from this Paul douche. The old 'cut you down to build you up' method is trite...and worthless!!!