Monday, July 02, 2007

The Osprey

The shaggy haired hipster named Owen, leaning in close, looking down into my eyelashes: “You know what I like best about you?”

Me, looking up from my drink, thinking inebriated. My sparkling wit? My taste in music? My leggings (they are kind of ridiculous, I was hoping in a good way)?: “No, what’s that?”

The shaggy haired hipster named Owen: “You’re really, f*cking hot."

His blue eyed friend overhearing: “Yeah, like Japanese-hot.”

Me, looking back into my drink for the words: “Oh, um, thanks. Huh. But I um…am, you know, not Japanese. I’m not even Asian. At all.”

His blue eyed friend: “Yeah, but you’re hot enough to be."

Suddenly I fast-forward fifty years, telling a curly-headed granddaughter with a golden tan how I met her grandfather.

“Well, Elliot. Your grandpa was quite the charmer. He told me I was hot enough to be Japanese! Oh yes, it was love at first incredibly odd compliment. That’s when I knew.”

I did get three SoCo and lime shots and an invitation to a beach house out of it. The stories just keep on coming as the summer unfolds…

Now if you too have a hilarious pick-up line/story, I'd love to hear it...


Anonymous said...


OMG boys are so stupid.

But the real question was, were they Japanese hot too? Like attracts like!

Anonymous said...

And why is your granddaughter named Elliot?

You dirty, sweater-set wearing, Connecticut prep! ;)

K said...

Hey! My mom's middle name is Elliot.

Plus I REALLY like Law & Order SVU. Tee hee.

C-47 said... know in fairness you are like Japanese hot.

you might almost be persasian (pronounced persuasion) hot, thats half iranian (persian) half asian.

or swasion (suasion) a Swedish asian

Sometimes its hard to gauge your equivalent asian hotness through shaggy hair and one too many yuenglings.

debo said...

I think Owen might have worked at American Apparel in Chelsea when I had this interaction with him...

debo: What's the difference between the Large and the Medium?"
Owen: Well...the Large is bigger.

I left wondering what his parents think when their 24 year-old college graduate comes home for Thanksgiving dinner.

Anonymous said...

yeah i agree above, when you are japanese hot, and you really are, people are gonna call you out on it.

now if he had said, you're like 500 AD mongolian ugly, then there's a story.

PeeJ said...

Best / Worst pick up line ever was an ex who came up, draped her arms around me and said "I just wanted to tell you....I'm going to be sick" and was, all over me...

Strangely enough, we dated for about 6 months.



C-47 said...

i've only used a pickup time line once. I got drunk at an art show and was visually stalking a young woman in red. Eight free beers later I went up to her and in my slurriest of drawls told her she was beautiful and that I wanted to take her out to dinner some time. Turns out she was one of the main artists in the show and we dated for two and hald years starting that night.

So fellas tell em they are beautiful and promise to feed them.