A friend and I had a conversation about cheating. It seems, in the world of brand-new singledom, a lot of New York guys out there have an affinity for cheating far beyond that for their favorite sports team.
My friend Anabella knows this firsthand because boys love to cheat with her. Love it. Or at the very least, try to. Maybe it’s her fault because she’s wittier than she should be because she’s also beautiful. Maybe it’s them because they don’t know how to keep it fresh, what they’ve got isn’t just bagged, it’s been delivered to their door to be stored in their houses, locked into a contract for as many years as they want, as long as they still want it.
Whose fault it is isn’t important (I say in her situation it’s the boys who are trying, they’re the one with the responsibility, as much as I’d love to purport the solidarity of the female species by her not even entertaining the notion of exchanging glances if nothing more—namely the consistent belief that if we all stopped being so competitive and snarky that we wouldn’t all be so competitive and snarky). What is important is that as a single girl she attracts the attached. And the attached are biting hard.
So back to the conversation with my friend. I’m asking him—as though one male is the spokesman for them all—why does this keep happening? Does no one value a relationship any more? How could people out there do this to one another? Leave such a terrible emotional wake?
And he says to me, well let’s think about this for a minute. And we do. How great is it to have someone different? Not just new, but unattained? The uncertainty involved? How unbelievable is that chase?
We agree it’s pretty great. He mentions quickening heartbeats and flying hormones. But still I harp on this. Why? Why? Why? Why does it seem that so many people out there just can’t be happy with one person? Is cheating really worth it at all? Is that two hours in the dark worth the ride home back to his apartment that he shares with her? Can good people even dare think this or does that even negate them being good?
And he says to me, well. Is fattening food worth it?
And I say internally, well it depends.
And he says internally, on what?
And I say, are we talking Blue 9 Burger Mango Chili sauce here? In-and-Out for those of you west coasters?
Because if we are, there’s a real problem. My logic flies away.
My friend Anabella knows this firsthand because boys love to cheat with her. Love it. Or at the very least, try to. Maybe it’s her fault because she’s wittier than she should be because she’s also beautiful. Maybe it’s them because they don’t know how to keep it fresh, what they’ve got isn’t just bagged, it’s been delivered to their door to be stored in their houses, locked into a contract for as many years as they want, as long as they still want it.
Whose fault it is isn’t important (I say in her situation it’s the boys who are trying, they’re the one with the responsibility, as much as I’d love to purport the solidarity of the female species by her not even entertaining the notion of exchanging glances if nothing more—namely the consistent belief that if we all stopped being so competitive and snarky that we wouldn’t all be so competitive and snarky). What is important is that as a single girl she attracts the attached. And the attached are biting hard.
So back to the conversation with my friend. I’m asking him—as though one male is the spokesman for them all—why does this keep happening? Does no one value a relationship any more? How could people out there do this to one another? Leave such a terrible emotional wake?
And he says to me, well let’s think about this for a minute. And we do. How great is it to have someone different? Not just new, but unattained? The uncertainty involved? How unbelievable is that chase?
We agree it’s pretty great. He mentions quickening heartbeats and flying hormones. But still I harp on this. Why? Why? Why? Why does it seem that so many people out there just can’t be happy with one person? Is cheating really worth it at all? Is that two hours in the dark worth the ride home back to his apartment that he shares with her? Can good people even dare think this or does that even negate them being good?
And he says to me, well. Is fattening food worth it?
And I say internally, well it depends.
And he says internally, on what?
And I say, are we talking Blue 9 Burger Mango Chili sauce here? In-and-Out for those of you west coasters?
Because if we are, there’s a real problem. My logic flies away.
Because yes, it absolutely is 100% and totally worth it.
We’ve figured out the world of men and women. Cheating is like Blue 9. You may feel disgusting, dirty, wretched and horrible about it. You may very well regret it on some level. But when it’s that good, you cannot say no, it’s so worth it.*
Of course, we decide it’s a trade-off. That hot flash of anticipation vs. standing Sunday plans. People might always be split down the middle.
You can be honest and anonymous, which would you choose? Do you think cheating is ever worth it? Or better yet, what’s better? Being single or in a relationship? Is it the case that if you want to cheat, the relationship is wrong? Or are you simply a sleaze? And is there any cure once you realize you are a sleaze?
Why do people cheat? Or even want to? How bad does this make them?
That might be the real core of the question itself…
Wow, this got offensive really fast.
*Joking. But come on, Blue 9 is so so good.
10 comments:
I KNOW you think the same way I do on this one.
Cheating is never worth it. Thinking about it is okay though, as long as you understand should you act on it, you need to walk away from your relationship first.
Hurting another human being is never worth your own pleasure--even if that other person is THE ONE--you can't cheat with them. Break it off first.
"I want to get a girlfriend, so I can cheat on her." -Bob Sweeney
aint never cheated on a woman. had a woman cheat on me with a woman, which was confusing.
cheatins like stealing money from your best friend, or kicking a sleeping dog.
it makes you a douche bag.
a douche la rouche, complete with a vinegar whip.
in conclusion, dont be a s**trag. grow a pair and break up, dont cheat.
-brought to you by the council for bitter exes
"A man is only as faithful as his options." -Chris Rock
Speaking from experience, I always cheated on my BF of 6 years (now long over thank goodness) b/c the [other] men provided something that he couldn't. It wasn't necessarily a sex thing, it was more the [other] made up for the pieces missing in our dysfunctional wreck i.e. emotional support or intellectual stimulus. Although, it's also true that "the grass is always greener."
To C-47: Have you ever HAD Blue 9?
I think the reason cheating seems so appetizing is the fact that it's exciting and dangerous. Frued once said that people enjoy danger because of the adrenaline rush it gives their system. Kinda like when you ride a really fast, loopy roller coaster or when you eat at one of those 25 cent taco stands in Mexico. When you cheat on someone it's a whole plan you have to work on. You have to figure out locations, dates and times, alibi's, all kinds of stuff to make it work so that you dont get caught. And planning this whole thing out, just gives them a certain type of energy, a certain type of excitement, a certain type of je nais sais quoi rush that they probably mistake as the kind of rush they felt when they first saw the person who they are cheating on. Too bad they dont realize how bad it's gonna hurt them the next morning...
i've never been cheated on...but i have been the outside cheater-y girl. it's bad news. it always ends in drama (try a girl climbing thru your window at 2am to hit her boyfriend)...but...now that i'm happy i know that. ha.
the first kiss and the first everything, all that, it IS a LOT of fun, and it's true, after a certian point, the firstness does wear away, but with the a reallly awesome, compatable, foxy person, you build on and add so much more. so much more. and while the thought of those first may pop up (and for me, they pop up inmemories of my sweetie and i first dating, making them less of a temptation to look somewhere else), but it's no context.
also, when you have a good thing, and esp. if you live in nyc, why would you every want to go back into the dating pool? fun first kisses go head to head with soul crushing monster assholes.
Cheating is so hott right now.
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