My friend Anabella knows this firsthand because boys love to cheat with her. Love it. Or at the very least, try to. Maybe it’s her fault because she’s wittier than she should be because she’s also beautiful. Maybe it’s them because they don’t know how to keep it fresh, what they’ve got isn’t just bagged, it’s been delivered to their door to be stored in their houses, locked into a contract for as many years as they want, as long as they still want it.
Whose fault it is isn’t important (I say in her situation it’s the boys who are trying, they’re the one with the responsibility, as much as I’d love to purport the solidarity of the female species by her not even entertaining the notion of exchanging glances if nothing more—namely the consistent belief that if we all stopped being so competitive and snarky that we wouldn’t all be so competitive and snarky). What is important is that as a single girl she attracts the attached. And the attached are biting hard.
So back to the conversation with my friend. I’m asking him—as though one male is the spokesman for them all—why does this keep happening? Does no one value a relationship any more? How could people out there do this to one another? Leave such a terrible emotional wake?
And he says to me, well let’s think about this for a minute. And we do. How great is it to have someone different? Not just new, but unattained? The uncertainty involved? How unbelievable is that chase?
We agree it’s pretty great. He mentions quickening heartbeats and flying hormones. But still I harp on this. Why? Why? Why? Why does it seem that so many people out there just can’t be happy with one person? Is cheating really worth it at all? Is that two hours in the dark worth the ride home back to his apartment that he shares with her? Can good people even dare think this or does that even negate them being good?
And he says to me, well. Is fattening food worth it?
And I say internally, well it depends.
And he says internally, on what?
And I say, are we talking Blue 9 Burger Mango Chili sauce here? In-and-Out for those of you west coasters?
Because if we are, there’s a real problem. My logic flies away.
Because yes, it absolutely is 100% and totally worth it.
We’ve figured out the world of men and women. Cheating is like Blue 9. You may feel disgusting, dirty, wretched and horrible about it. You may very well regret it on some level. But when it’s that good, you cannot say no, it’s so worth it.*
Of course, we decide it’s a trade-off. That hot flash of anticipation vs. standing Sunday plans. People might always be split down the middle.
You can be honest and anonymous, which would you choose? Do you think cheating is ever worth it? Or better yet, what’s better? Being single or in a relationship? Is it the case that if you want to cheat, the relationship is wrong? Or are you simply a sleaze? And is there any cure once you realize you are a sleaze?
Why do people cheat? Or even want to? How bad does this make them?
That might be the real core of the question itself…
Wow, this got offensive really fast.
*Joking. But come on, Blue 9 is so so good.