Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Crack, Back, Quack?

Last night I experienced an entirely new kind of…doctor…er…medicine man….er….well, he was a chiropractor (he was offering a free consultation, don’t they all? And this of course is what drew me in. I like-a the free stuff).

Never has a profession been more maligned (with the possible exception of podiatrist) than this man’s. Yet I love a yoga class which ‘opens’ my spine, a spa treatment which ‘kneads’ the muscles, and any man that says I need a weekly massage, heat therapy and deep stretching already has me a little starry-eyed.

Of course, he said that my posture was slightly wonky, just as I noticed his floor was on the exact slant that my so-called “misalignment” was. Hmmmm. Minus two points for possible shadiness.

Free bananas in the waiting room. Score! Plus one point.

Have to come back for the rest of my free treatment because the schedule didn’t allow for me to have it all at once. Hmmm. Minus one point.

The rest of my treatment involves a massage. Double score! Plus two points.

All after are at my cost and they range about $60 per treatment. I’m on the fence. I’m a person who apparently ‘holds all my tension in my back and shoulders’ and have angered more than one suitor by asking for a massage immediately after I exited the one he had bought me as a gift (in my defense, the masseurs always spend all this time on my arms and legs and hands and I just don’t need it there, but still, sorry guys, I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s like a drug—I don’t really like to be hugged and I hate holding hands but I love it when someone sticks an elbow in my spine—I’m such a weirdo*).

So, anyone have any thoughts about chiropractors? Love them, hate them? Is there anything to this at all? Is it the case that you go once and then you’re hooked for life?

And is it incredibly elderly for me to be so intent on straightening my 25-ear-old back on a weekly basis?

*Such a weirdo, in fact, that I also give my pets a massage every time I’m home after I saw a special on pet spas on The Travel Channel. They seem to love it as much as I do.

I might be obsessed in an unhealthy way. I think I prefer massages to sleeping and eating combined (and we all know I like-a the sleeping and the eating. And sometimes I like-a to talk in a really bad, cliched Italian accent in my head for no reason).


Anonymous said...

oooh i love massages too, to an unhealthy degree...

debo said...

This recalls the tale of a friend-of- -a-friend who went to see a podiatrist about an "issue" and then looked down to find him licking those very same feet a week later in one of NYC's S&M clubs.

"She was into S&M and Bible studies, not everyone's cup of tea she would admit to me."

Anonymous said...

I would stay away. Young women seem to be at a very increased risk for strokes after visits to chiros. Read about it in a recent Self. I didn't trust chiros before I read this article, and I wouldn't go near them with a 20 foot pole. Now do you know why the visit was free? Go to a spa or get accupuncture instead.

Kathryn said...

big fan of massage therapay - by a registererd massage therapist - but NOT of chiropractors for similar reasons to "anonymous"

they kind of scare me

CM said...

My dad's a doctor (a real one, that went to medical school, and has an MD) - I'd be at a high risk of being dis-owned if I even considered it. Let's just say you don't see most doctors, or dentist, or even good hair stylists giving out free treatment. Plus, anything that requires you to go for the rest of your life with out ever being cured seems sort of like a medical pyramid scheme to me.

Vote: they're skeezy

k said...

Ok, the people have spoken. But can I at least go back to get my free massage? Wearing long underwear to prevent molestation will be key...

Provided there's no popping of spinal columns involved of course...

PLD said...

Went to one 1x who had me almost crying w/ his tale of how my spine was working towards fusing together and permanent damage... if i didn't start seeing him immediately for weekly "adjustments."

I do yoga instead.

C-47 said...

i would also be wary, K, of this treatment turning you off of massages (tho this seems highly unlikely). There might be some pavlovian response where he starts-a cracking your back and mashin your spine and then you'd be cryin and hatin on havin your back mucked with. So for any future suitors, yes vote. Knowing you an carin about you, no vote.

Also your visit tally was a negative one. So that should tell you what to do.

Anonymous said...

hey anonymous what evidence do you have to support your claims of Stroke in young women, or is that something you heard third hand from your hair dresser who read it in the national enquirer? Chiropractic is far safer than the medication you might take for your aches.

to almost literary, if you have concerns why don't you ask your chiro? if it doesn't make sense then don't go. If you can not see the logic in maintaining a healthy spine and nervous system, just tell him/her.

I see a chiropractor once a week and I have done so for the past 20 years. It is the best investment i have ever made.

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