Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Today I am thinking about a lusted after position: the non-negotiable. I’m wondering how it would be to have a slice of authority over my destiny in this way, one where I could hold strong and shake my head to an inane request in the office, a friend obligation on a faraway subway line, an architectural weakness of an upcoming apartment, a heart-wrenching give-without-take made in several re-relationships.

There have been tick marks for my standstills in the past. It used to be that I would not discuss music with someone who didn’t at least appreciate a little bit or was willing to pretend momentarily that neo-punk was the greatest thing since spiked collars (I was thirteen and full of such ‘important’ revelations). Before then, it was absolutely out of the question to hold my mother’s hand after the age of seven, wear earrings bigger than a ladybug, appreciate European history unless taught in video form, eat brussel sprouts, enjoy a moment of winter not spent sledding and be best friends with Caitlyn Dryer at the same time as Alyssa Berndt (they hated each other in the fourth grade).

Now, I find I have allowed myself less control when I am seeking more. I’ve caught myself making excuses for violations long past considered deal-breakers: friends backstabbing, boys not standing up literally and figuratively, me trying harder than the other party at least 75% of the time in a project, relationship, whatever. These should have signaled the end, and yet they remained just the middle: a continuation of an endless string of concessions.

My wish list of non-negotiables today includes:

Consideration without being told, pled, or asked

Enough time with the blonde’s new French bulldog puppy (only to be determined by if and when he gets sick of me or falls asleep upon which I am allowed to waste all of my phone memory by taking pictures of him)

Pink lemonade every week as long as summer lasts

Now is that too much to ask?


Anonymous said...

definitely not.

D.T. said...

You know, while you're at, you may as well ask for it all. I mean, if your wishes do come true right now, isnt it better to get it now, rather than wait longer?