Thursday, March 01, 2007


Comments are powerful on powerful blogs. The discourse slopes around mysterious bends. It’s exhilarating to get heated, if only by the warm glow of a computer, the emission of a florescent buzz overhead. We’re lost in the dingy sea of office-work-gym sometimes. The computer brings us comfort, bonding, nameless connection. And it becomes meaningful because of just that.

We need this, it moves us, it’s entertainment, edutainment even, because we learn something about those we look at, maybe even an emotion is stirred within ourselves. We learn a little bit about how we react, and with that revelation comes a choice. We can view it bare bones and take it in. We can alter it. We decide if we’d want others to know how we are or if we can stifle it just a little bit, having purged it in our online alter egos before we turn out on the rest of the world. Calmer and more decent. Palatable vanilla.

A shout out, misconstrued, brings motion.

Enough to drive unexpected traffic and accusations, catapult scandal, judgment, excitement, everything we love and we hate about our time in this life, media, the fashion of New York. For those of you who have come for an explanation, I almost don’t want to give it. There has been too much flutter on a Wednesday evening to give it up now, it feeds the ego (mine of course, these lame ramblings are being read, all press is good press, judge me for being youngish, it’s the first I’ve been called that in a while, and I’m apt to enjoy it to ameliorate my wrongs, my vices) and it means something has happened.

I’m on a small soapbox; I may never have another chance; I want to shout out something important, pro life/pro choice/anti gun/pro gun/anti-carbs/pro-fiber...What political stance would make the biggest splash? Pro-cubicle? Anti-vacation? I’m against…pens…the color red…water?

I am not #6, but now I’m sort of wishing I was (if only for the infamy!). I want to be even more delusional; I would love to not be painfully self-aware of everything that is wrong with me without any idea of who I really am, just for a moment. Though I could never use the word “lover” without cringing. For those of you who know me, that alone should have given it away.

So many times I’ve tried to articulate who I am and what I do. I’ve fallen short in descriptors of family and friends. I’m writing a book, I’m applying to grad school, I have not one shred to show for it. It's all a wash of posturing and lukewarm talent.

But I have one thing to lean on and it is this. Thankfully, I am not a person who has been cut out by people in her life, not to my knowledge. I like to think that people, for the most part, tend to keep me around, if only for the loudness, the self-deprecation, the ironic T-shirts and absurd stories. I’ve just been misplaced by one, and well, you know how I feel by my comment what she was like anyway…and her initials are not SK.


tina said...

You write well. I'm glad I got directed to this blog via SK. I'll be back.

Alissa said...

I missed this whole thing happening, but I read SK's post yesterday. When you referred to #6, I figured it out and scoured the comments.

Is it superficial/hypocritical of me to say that the people who suggested you were #6 seem dense and imperceptive? It is? Hmm. Oh well :)

I haven't had the unfortunate experience of dealing with a toxic friend in my adult life, but I can only imagine how draining it is. You're lucky to be rid of her.

Anonymous said...

BUT are they BP?

K said...

Oh I wish it were that juicy!! Not SK and not BP, though Miss Parkhurst and I were in the same writing class, we're not feuding and we're not breaking up as ex-classmates...neither SK nor BP spin deceptive and they're both a hell of a lot more fun and fabulous than my frenemy...

Though I do want to read the blog referenced, "the let's not call her a train-wreck" girl's musings...

Laura said...

Oooh, well there goes my Sherlock Holmes fantasy! That was my only guess.

Even with our blogs and the seemingly life as an open books mentality, it amazing how little we truly know about each other.

Anonymous said...

I have to admit, I enjoyed your anecdote on the 'famous' blog MUCH more, and found it far more thought-provoking, than the original blog post that inspired the comment.

Anonymous said...

Me too, you at least admitted guilt--it made everything way more humane than the post that she did--I mean, we're all insecure and bitchy at sometimes, kudos for owning up to it, and putting it out there.

I'll be back.

Anonymous said...

funny that i read SK's blog and yours....i like hers because i like watching all this stuff happen to her, but i relate to your better - probably just for the shallow things we have in common - in our 20's, and struggling to cut it in NYC (or not knowing whether we want to?)

at least that's how i feel.

Anonymous said...

I am not sure what the story is with this post, but i am hoping that you hate SK, and will appreciate the comment i am pasting below which i tried to post to her blog. If you like her, too bad, that means you are almost as much of an asshole as her & i dont care what you think (sorry, i didnt have time to understand the story, or make the necessary associations, i just hate SK and look for any opportunity i can to publish how much i hate her...and just in case This Fish reads this, i think you are just as much of an asshole as SK...HA HA HA, suck it!)

Everytime i read your putrid blog i am left in amazement that you have even one friend, because your ego, self absorbtion, and idiocy is rivaled only by that of your ass kissing blog fans. I am equally amazed that you have been able to find any guy to call a boyfriend (and ultimately a MID, which has to be right up near the top of the list of my most hated assinine terms you have coined that make me nearly vomit when i read them), much less a guy who would appear to be intelligent & successful to want to marry you and have a family, but i guess the world is full of masochistic idiots.

I stumbled onto this post through gawker, and i didnt have the energy to try to figure out what the story was, but i am guessing there link was from someone who either is or was accused of being the person you refer to in this post. But I couldnt bare to read your post although i am sure is a completely ridiculous diatribe where i am gathering you have the HUGE balls to talk about someone else being a self absorbed narcissistic psycho (pot, meet black). However, i will throw out my syrup of ipecac, and if i am ever faced with the need to induce vomitting, i am sure one paragraph of the shit above should result in my immediately projectile vomitting.

I only scanned your comments, but i see the usual slew of assholes "feeling" for you, sympathizing with you, and once again stuffing their head up your asshole. I was happy to see a few people that actually have an ounce of grey matter left, who seem to tell you what a asswipe you are. And i saw someone post that your story seemed mean, to which i say, of course it is, half your shit is horribly nasty, but you just use your go to "i dont hold back, i say what i feel" line and the asskissers open anus and insert head.

Hopefully this comment is construed as mean, becuase i think you are one of the biggest pieces of shit i have ever encountered, and I am shocked you have the nuts to talk shit about anyone else. But then again, when i reflect on your past posts, and how sickening they made me, i am no longer shocked. To all your asshole readers who are going to either try to refute my comment (although now you will claim the "i wont give this commenter the satisfaction of responding" line of BS because i called your response in advance), tell you "dont listen to her/him Stephanie, you are the best", tell me i am a piece of shit and just jealous of you (HA HA HA, yep, thats it), or one of your other standard putrid responses, dont bother wasting your time or breath.

Have a great night you self centered douchebag.

tina said...

Dude, the comment above bashing SK just seems really, really cruel. And why the hell would you do it on someone (read: K's) blog?

K said...

There's a pretty nasty comment above that I chose to leave up, not that I agree with it in any way, but because I'm a little amazed at how angry one person's online diary (okay, it's more than that, this blog is definitely my first diary that screams "look at me; validate meeeeeeee!!" across every page) can make another feel--bad or good. That's how this whole non-existent 'blog war' and many, many before it,'s kind of stupid; it's kind of thrilling how we operate. I'm saddened that blogs hurt people in this way, I know, try not to roll your eyes, but this is going to be a little bit bleeding heart...

People get really upset and offended by posts and comments. With every glowing response comes a scathing review, and for most of us, that's all we hear, no matter what the numbers. So we project it back out. We pretend it doesn't bother us, we pretend our lives are so fabulous that it doesn't even register. Maybe we pretend to laugh back even though it's not funny, or get angry and lash out a "how dare you call me spoiled/untalented/a douchebag when YOU'RE the one who is spoiled/untalented/a douchebag?"

More fighting, more feelings hurt, more girl-on-girl crime, twenty-on-twenty-something crime, what have you. It's tough, and the anonymity makes it all the more easier to do so. If I had to put my name out there on every post I wrote, I'd be pretty embarassed. If we had to put our open stamp on every backstabbing thing we say behind people's backs (certainly I'm not clear of this, this all started cause I was cattily talking about a former friend, something that frankly, wasn't cool for me to do even though no one knows who she is) or next to every "you suck"comment we smear on other people's blogs, we wouldn't do it as much.

We're cloaked here and it makes us nasty. It makes us all wrong. All of us turn worse, our ugliest selves at times when there is no blame to be dished out, when we're reduced to mud-slinging. Of course everyone is always entitled to their opinion, but let's be honest--it's a hell of a lot easier to respect someone's opinion when that opinion praises us. So I'm calling out, from one spoiled untalented douchebag to another, let's put our rocks down and be a little kinder (whether in blogs OR comments). It can't be the point of an opinion to actively want to make another person cry, can it?

p.s. pardon the spelling...I'm nothing without my spellcheck.

Anonymous said...

Can someone fill me in who SK is??? I am bored at work, and would love nothing more than to spend a few minutes (or, hours) getting to know the mysterious SK and her blog. Link, anyone?!