Sunday, March 14, 2010

Relationship Advice

Not that I'm in one any more! But it came up that the boy, the last one, let's call him Boy, could not deal with the existence of other boys, lets keep them lowercase, because they were no threat to Boy, who stays capitalized because he WAS capitalized, in my life anyhow.

So Boy hates boys. I can understand how he would, as some of those boys used to be capitalized themselves (I dated them), but now they are just errant friends who I may run into once in a while or who text me once in a while, which enrages Boy who thinks that at any given moment I will run off into the sunset with other boys. I absolutely would not, but any communication with them, even if unprovoked, was thought to be very disrespectful to him. Which I get, and I'm sorry for, but in a world when you're 28 and you've had love in your life before, is it really fair to pretend like no one else ever existed? And can't you ever just be friends with someone? Or can't you ever just harmlessly flirt with someone? I find myself doing this all the time. I flirted with the mail-lady the other day. It's just my way. But it really hurt Boy, and I could never really understand why. I kind of dug it when other girls liked Boy. It made me proud.

Didn't make Boy proud. He hated it. Thought I was somehow doing it just to make him look bad.

Plus some of these boys I work with (never dated them), and Boy thought any communication with them would eventually turn into flirting or someone would get a crush on someone. But Boy spent so much time worrying about it when it wasn't true. And I would try to get him to get over it, but it just didn't happen. In a world filled with boys, how could Boy feel like number one? In the end, he just couldn't feel that way, which leads me to ask, if you are dating someone and that person is insecure about it, but you love them, is it ever okay just to stop talking to several people in your life?

And if that person you dated is no longer in your life, is it okay to go back to talking to those people? Or does the very act that you waited to maintain friendships or flirtships or even harmless text-buddy status until you were single prove that you were doing wrong in the first place by having any boys who were mildly attractive in your life?

Notice Boy is never jealous of unattractive boys.



Broady said...

Yup, my husband requested that I cease and desist my friendship with a certain boy, who had no past and certainly no future with me romantically. Just friends... but my husband (boyfriend at the time) had a bad vibe about him, and just asked me to let the friendship go (without actually asking). When it came down to it, I didn't even miss the guy... definitely would have missed my future husband, though. If I hadn't known that future husband was "the one," though, I wouldn't have ceased and desisted *any* friendship that was entirely appropriate. But in this particular case, I knew I would want him to respect my wishes in a similar situation. I guess it was a long term investment that paid off.

Lisa said...

Very well said.

I have lost a couple of Boys because their Girls couldn't handle my existence. Sigh. I know the world is an insecure place, but you don't need insecurity right next to you at night.

I say you're better off with more love than less... And I don't think Boy deserves to become one of your boys now either.

CM said...

Drop Boy...find Man

b said...

CM is right. But I understand your plight - I struggle with the same thing currently with Girl. I hate rampant insecurity (you're allowed to have some, but some effort should be made to contain it, no?), but it feels like too much of a cop-out to claim that as some kind of "dealbreaker." But everyone's different. Some of us have naturally "flirty" personalities - no one should make you stifle that if it makes you happy.