What to hold

I’m free-floating again on borrowed time. But this go-around, I’d like to think it’s owed. I crawled into this place by pestering, barely once-in-a-while dazzling, and somehow came out unscathed, maybe even partially endearing in my all-too-familiar awkwardness. People are finally giving me a chance and with that, my mantra keeps coming back, “Don’t. Let. Go.”

My hands are wrapped tightly around an idea, and I promise I won’t. Not until I can pass it off to someone else and retain half the credit. Show them what I’m made for, what I think I’m capable of, if only I can conquer the rest. I own the drive and believe that might be enough for talent to follow. I have to think that, because without it, I will never be good enough. Though part of me doesn’t want to be good enough. Because then it will be coasting instead of fighting, wanting and wishing and doing anything in my power to make it true. That’s what I’m used to and respond to and that’s what I aim for keeping.

Until then, I’m busy as I wait. If I don’t need recognition, maybe it will just appear. It’s four years in the making and I hope that I’m worthy by now…