Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Boys v. Girls

Further evidence that I am not-so-slowly, but surely, turning into a dude:

I am using ridiculous sports analogies with increasing frequency, hilarity and offense. Particularly within the dating/romantic realm. Examples include “Relationships are for benchwarmers” and “I had to cut him from varsity”.

I was the only one who wanted to go to Scores on Saturday.

No matter how fancy a dress or how much lipgloss I am wearing, I swear like a sailor.

I think whale tails, push-up bras and fishnets are making this country a better place, one butterface at a time.*

I look fondly upon the time I ate a beer and then almost won that game of rooster on the roof of Steve’s Jeep.

I can’t stop laughing about the following inside joke: “Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjewwwwwww”, which actually has nothing to do with Judaism, but is the slurred and shortened version of someone being really drunk and saying “Do you want to make out” which comes out instead “Jewwwwanna makeout?” and now is of course, just shortened to saying “Jjjjjjjjjj” over and over again.

The more abrasive the come-on, the better chance he has.

I might be able to quote every good episode of the Simpsons (inclusive only of the Conan years).

After my class insisted I write a sex scene into the book, I kind of think I should write a lot more for the squirm factor alone.

I would love for someone to dare me to subsist on ice cream and fries for a month.

I don’t think of DSL as a router.

I can’t remember the last time I said I was sorry. And I'm almost sure when it happened, I didn't mean it.

I found myself not minding if the guy who gropes/stares/steps on me/steals my bag on the subway, is hot.

Most of the time, I’d really rather not cuddle.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever taken anything that I’ve said seriously.

See what being single for two whole months has done to me? On second thought, I think I might have always been like this…


*This is only half true.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

No mention of the time you told Alex "I've never seen a bigger waste of blonde hair and a C-cup. Now stop embarassing us all and hook up with someone." ?

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with being a guy? Girls are stupid. Pretty, but stupid.

debo said...

GIRLS WHO ARE BOYS
WHO LIKE BOYS TO BE GIRLS
WHO DO BOYS LIKE THEY'RE GIRLS
WHO DO GIRLS LIKE THEY'RE BOYS
ALWAYS SHOULD BE SOMEONE YOU REALLY LOVE

Ha Ha Sound said...

Girls who like to go to strip clubs rule. Right on.

bohémienne said...

No cuddling?

It's over.

k said...

You caught me, I do like to cuddle, but it has to be really right...

b said...

Yeah, but girls who like to go to strip clubs because it's "fashionable" and think it'll win them points only because it's not what's expected of them, are not cool. I don't think this is k's case though, so here, it really does earn them points (it's all about authenticity man). And debo, phenomenal reference with the comment.