Thursday, July 26, 2007

Another notch in my awkward belt

I’m too old for myspace, by my own standard. Kids today. Showing their bits and pieces. Being all cool. With their emoticons and black bracelets that tell the other kids they put out. Sheesh.

Yet I’m on there because everyone knows I heart pretending I’m still young, and lately have been trolling for new bands, accepting friend requests from everyone who asks, including really sleepy-eyed girls I’m not sure actually exist with a lot of Xs in their names (xxHannah HOTTNESSxx, who are you? A marketing ploy for 1-800-we-are-18? And why are you messaging other chicks? You’re not actually a ‘lezz’ like you claim, you just play one on the internet!) and general pervs-slash-hipsters (who can tell today with those mustaches?).

So now, a new low for me and my epic battle with awkward rejection.

I just noticed, I think, someone deleted "our" friendship! I can’t tell who you are, but I know you’re out there. Tell me, I beg of you. What did I do to deserve this? I’ll be up all night. Tossing and turning and bawling; why! Why! Why, person I don’t know if I know, and certainly don’t, considering I can’t tell who you are by the blank space you’ve left in my heart, why! Why have you forsaken me! I’ll so get you for this, whenever I figure out who you are….

I know what I’ll do. Yeah. Myspace justice. How sweet it is. I’ll let my diabolical mind really unfurl for this one….

I’ll send you a comment that’s all “hey so I just heard about this hott new ringtone just go to and check it out playa”. That’ll show you. When you go to check your comments, you’ll think it’s someone telling you how cool you are or a long-lost friend or something. But no. Not that girl that dumped you in junior high who now works at Hawaiian Tropic Zone and desperately wants you back.

Instead…ringtone spam! Muah hah hah.

Oh, wait. I'm having an aha moment here. It's slowly and dimly dawning on me why someone would want to delete our myspace relationship. I'm insane.


Anonymous said...

That's it. I'm myspace-stalking you.

Deal with it.

Ani said...

Ah, lovely Web 2.0, giving awkward people everywhere even more reasons to drive themselves insane. (I'm right there with you.)

trina said...

I'm addicted to myspace too. Let's form a support group before we really go nuts.