Monday, October 16, 2006

Strength

Some people have it. No, correction, all people have it. Deep down, somewhere. Some just need friends to pull strings of it out of their hearts, or crises to drive them to the brink and then over the cliff, grasping towards a floating band of inner self, that intangible well we never think we need to drain. The reason why most of us only pray when things are bad. Our flippant attitudes when we’re in the elite position of not really “needing” it, though it’s precisely because we have an abundance of said strength that we’re in a position to think that way. Back to my one-hand clapping I guess.

That’s the problem with strength. Only in your weak moments do you realize how important it is, and how hard it is to harvest.

My lovely and talented writing teacher’s engagement just got broken. Not by her. My jaw dropped at the news. She keeps herself off the floor, how? I suddenly had visions of myself in the same situation, licking Chubby Hubby off of a spoon in flannel pajamas, screaming at the screen as Bridget Jones’s Diary cycles for a fourth playing. I'm jarred out of it just as a fresh round of tears well up at the prospect. Flash forward to now, and drinks with her tonight. Maybe she’s got the one-line secret to strength. But if she does, it's only for her, not the rest of us mere mortals.

Mine’s in the reserves. And I’m cashing it all out.

4 comments:

GeminiWisdom said...

I know exactly how you feel. In my weakest moment, I tend to draw strength from others. All those times my father ended up in the hospital. All those "close calls" with him and I wonder how my mother does it. The speech I made at my wedding reception had me claiming that I hope to grow up to be half the woman she is. As if I'm still a child and not in my late thirties.

Like I'm not a "real" adult until I find inner strength

Anonymous said...

You got it.

Sunday's Child said...

The scary thing is that we don't really know what kind of strength we have in reserve until we need it. And then there are times when you run out of strength, and you just have to keep going in your complete weakness--but somehow you do.

sc said...

let me know when you cash yours out. i need to unlock mine too.