Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Stealing means Feeling

I'm not one to post others' words much, but after class tonight (and the fact that I can put off packing for my trip tomorrow) I just had to. These provided me with a grande-sized shot of adrenaline and I had to share my favorites.

Probably standard fare for any regular "how not to" lecture, these did not, and I figure, will not ever cease to make me laugh...

Drumroll please...

"Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay (I do doubt this in many cases, because some of these are just too great...)

1. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

2. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

3. Her eyes were like two brown circles with black dots in the center.

4. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid5528.com/aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake. (We agreed this one would be perfect for a tech presentation at work, then again, none of us is a techie.)

5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

6. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".

7. John and Mary had never met. They were like two humming birds who had also never met."

I can't stop laughing at these. I want more. If anyone can help me, I'd be eternally grateful.

In the meantime, a hiatus until next Tuesday. I've got a date with the west coast, my bikini, and a credit card. Not necessarily in that order. But I need a vacation like a bad movie needs a break-up scene in the rain...hey, this terrible analogy stuff isn't so hard after all...

11 comments:

Cafrine said...

The first one is very Douglas Adams. So much so that I'm pretty sure it's in one of his books.

Entry number three had me snorting up my drink. Wonderful.

Broady said...

Were these actual snippets of material from people in your class??

Enjoy your vacation!

Another twentysomething said...

Nice title of your post. Bon voyage!

Pink Lemonade Diva said...

bad analogies always good for a laugh. I don't have any more, but if you want a taste for something equally entertaining, try the winners of the yearly contest.

themarina said...

I *love* number 7. HAHAHA

Have a great time!

GeminiWisdom said...

LOL. I liked #6. And yours. Too funny. These made me laugh too.

Spaulding H. Forsythe said...

This was fun to try….
1. He had a stone glare and his facial features looked as hard as a Spanish exam.
2. She was kind, gentle. Just like a Villain School flunkey.
3. His humor was so dry it was as if every joke was wearing a poncho.
4. Suddenly, he was gone and it was like he wasn’t there.
5. Pop tarts are like cookies, but pastries.

Yes, I’m a lurker but one that thoroughly enjoys your blog.

Travel safe.

Lynn said...

I kind of love #6.

Rachel said...

Today I heard a surgeon tell a nurse (in the middle of a busy hospital nursing station), that "Mrs Smith" was "as dry as a popcorn fart". WTF?

Miss Scarlett said...

Oh wow! I used to be so scared I'd end up on the "what not to do" examples in class, but I never wrote anything like those!

Anonymous said...

http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/language/analogies.html

they must have come from this link.

My favorite: The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.